As an admittedly identifying demisexual, I really think people need to cool it with the labels.
I’ve seen a whole bunch of these types of posts on this blog, recently. People saying that things like ‘demisexual’ and most recently ‘sapiosexual’ shouldn’t be thrown in people’s faces like they actually matter. And I agree. We are in no way oppressed for our preferences (for being bi, maybe, or for being gay AND demi/sapio-sexual, but not for being demi/sapio themselves) and to claim otherwise is downright insulting to people who are actually under the LGBT+ blanket and suffering for it.
That being said, I think that another problem here is that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what these things mean. And I’m going to focus mainly on ‘demi’ here, because that’s the one I’m obviously most familiar with.
Demisexuality is, in its most basic form, the inability to develop sexual feelings for a person until romantic feelings are first established. Of course there’s exceptions to this. That’s where the ‘grey’ sections of it come in (a stupid addition to the label, but that’s a rant for another time). It’s not a sexuality in itself, no, definitely not, don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. It’s not even really a preference. It’s just a thing that happens (or doesn’t happen, more accurately).
The problem is that people often confuse it with just not wanting to bang someone you don’t like. Many people say that demisexuality doesn’t exist because obviously wouldn’t you want to like someone before you get with them ([insert sarcasm here])? The answer to that is no. If that were the case, there would be no such thing as hate-fucks. No such thing as random drunken or not-drunken hook-ups. Being demisexual (maybe not for most people but definitely for me) means that I can’t even sit in the mall with my friends and play the ‘would bang would not bang’ game while people watching with them because I very literally cannot imagine anyone in a sexual manner (without feeling awkward or uncomfortable or disrespectful) unless I’m in a romantic relationship with them. It means I probably won’t have sex with my future partner until we’re married. It doesn’t mean I won’t have sex or don’t like sex or aren’t super fucking excited about the idea of sex with a partner. It just means I need to honestly love my partner before we bang. That is what demisexuality it. So, no, not everyone in the world is demisexual.
But again, being demisexual doesn’t put someone under the LGBT+ umbrella, just like the opposite, having a difficult time forming romantic attachments to people doesn’t put you under the LGBT+ umbrella. It’s not a sexuality. It doesn’t lead to us being oppressed in any way.
So people should stop throwing it in other people’s faces and acting like it makes them special/victimized (actually, all sexualities should stop going in other people’s faces, but again that’s an argument for another time) because different from others =/= special.
At the same time, criticizers need to stop acting like having the word ‘demisexual’ exist is somehow an insult to the dictionary. No, being demisexual isn’t an actual sexuality. But that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to have a name for it. Being able to give a phenomenon a name, even if the phenomenon isn’t that important or common or uncommon or whatever, tends to make people feel better. To be able to take an entire concept and wrap it up in a neat little name-package makes it easier to explain and makes everyone who has it (as few or as many as they might be) feel better. Humans love to identify themselves and others. It’s why labels exist in the first place.
tl;dr: Demisexuality isn’t a sexuality and should not be considered under the LGBT+ umbrella but people also probably need to stop treating it like it doesn’t really exist.